i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
