Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize