No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
