I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
