What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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