my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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