I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
