My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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