Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
