At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize