Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
