It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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