We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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