I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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