So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
