once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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