what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
