The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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