I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
