I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize
