when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
