I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
