Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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