We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
