I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
