Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
