Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
