ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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