Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
