I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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