i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
