Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
