he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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