New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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