he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
