drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
