Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
