You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize