I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
