youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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