Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize