the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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