My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
