And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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