my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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