Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
