My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
