I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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