It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
