UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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