there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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