did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize