There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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