A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
