dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
