Michael Bay diarrhea
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
