i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sext me about skeletons
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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