Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
