my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
