Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
