I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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