Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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