I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize