I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
