I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
