The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
