i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
