pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
