im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
