you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
