My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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