u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
