Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
