I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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