do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
