I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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