so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
