i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
