Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
