I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
