U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
