I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I still have a little drunk in my system
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
