Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
