i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
