Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
