The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
