So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
