My friends, they love my intelligence
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize