I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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