thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
