You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
organizing the empties. That sober.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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