She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
