So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
