i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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