your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
