quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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