Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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