That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize