Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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