Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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