2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
