last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
