Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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