I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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