Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
