Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
