i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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