I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
