i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize