Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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