i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
farters have to be the big spoon...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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