they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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