Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
