Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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