nutella sex= disaster
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
