Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's never too late to be topless.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
