Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize