I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
