It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
