my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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