u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
