he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
