you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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